Family Constellations
Family Constellation work is based on a simple but profound idea: our well-being is tied to the well-being of our family system, or “family Soul” which includes the living, the dead, and the generations that came before us. It invokes the ancient practice of honoring our ancestors. At a deep level we are the result of the past making us connected with everything, especially our family legacy, whether or not we recognize it. It follows us until we understand and heal it.
Like a flock of birds or a school of fish, each family is held in an invisible field that envelops and governs all its members, who can sense each other and move in concert without a word being spoken. Any painful event touches every single member and continues to echo down to later generations. As a result, people often carry and re-enact the original wounds of their ancestors.
These wounds are called unconscious “entanglements”. Some may call it fate, or destiny, and it may manifest in various different forms; physically, emotionally or psychologically, they all block the natural flow of love. This restriction can get passed down through the generations, until the client is able to acknowledge the whole family system, including what has been disconnected, because all systems seek wholeness and balance. Opening ourselves to the root cause of struggle and suffering helps us expend into forgiveness, understanding, compassion and love. This shift in consciousness is what often helps us reconnect to our own path, help us reclaim our own destiny, and find a sense of ease in our hearts.
Bert Hellinger who developed family constellations in the late 1970s' found that these three main principles he called the “Orders of Love” were universal in helping restore wholeness and balance in our family systems, schools and organizations. When either one of these principles are out of balance we become “entangled” and it interrupts us from living our lives fully.
The need to Belong; Everyone who is born into a family has the right to be part of that system. Even miscarriages, abortions, still born babies, important past loved ones belong to the system. When someone is forgotten, ignored, rejected, or exiled it blocks the natural flow of love and later generations will unconsciously want to “replace” that member by picking up similar behaviors, habits or feelings.
The need for social order: (Precedence) Those who came first in chronological order. Partnership before parenthood, eldest before youngest, even if they have past. Examples of this when not in balance is when a child parents their parent, or “mom, I forgive you for not being a good mom” in these cases the child puts themselves in a higher place then their parent by feeling better than the other when their job is to be small, be a child. This also blocks the natural flow of love.
The need for equilibrium; By honoring this principle, of Giving and Taking, our relationships become sustained and are able to grow fully. When both have given and both have taken equally, it diminishes feelings of guilt or innocence, entitlement or obligation. All of which limits the natural flow of love in the systems.